blue sky infinite

You remember fifteen
when your body changed
in ways you were not ready for
when men started staring at you
and their looks were followed by
calls and invitations
and suddenly you were something
that was for them and not yourself.

You remember the confusion and anger
and fear of suddenly being noticed
by all the wrong people for all the wrong things.

And sometimes you would ignore them,
and they got angry.
And sometimes you would tell them to stop,
and they got angry.
And sometimes you would smile,
and they would say you were asking for it.

But then you got older
and now they just tell you that
you would look prettier if you smiled.

That is until you watch,
as the little girl you are raising falls
into a body that looks like yours did.
You see those eyes following her
while she walks and you know
you need to press your thumbs into them
until they can no longer see her,
or anything.
Don’t worry, they won’t see you coming,
you are too old for them to notice.

You hear them call to her
and rather than teach her to ignore them
you rip their throats out
until they are the ones silent.
Because we all know,
there is no right response.

And at that point
you are smiling
for real
because you are thinking about how
your mother taught you
and her mother taught her
and now there are new lessons being taught.
How your age of invisibility
has become your age of power
and that is what will be passed down from now on.

Because you remember fifteen
but now you know the power of fifty.